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Hi,

Im looking for a bot of advice:

I just got in a bit of an arguement with my girlfriend who made a comment (a very stern one) about her not completely convinced im straight.

Admitedly I am a pretty flamboyant guy and I am completely and utterly comfortable with my own sexuality - But when your new girlfriend voices her concerns after a joke about something (in a very serious manner) am I right to be angry that she has a lingering doubt. The weird thing is its not like there is any other reason for her to suspect otherwise i.e. there is no physical problems between us, nothing to indicate there is anything wrong. Its to do with my tastes and persona. Im not scared to aknowledge if another man is handsome, or scared to go out in drag for a booze fueled night. But never once in any relationship iv had be it long term or fling has anyone ever been concerned about my sexuality. Am i allowed to be annoyed at this?

Im by no means a camp guy - I love motor racing, boxing, mountain biking, smoking cigars and drinking the finist whiskys you can imagine, hard hitting rock music and the scent of a woman; on the other hand i do have a degree in design, listen to cheesy pop, like dancing and appreciate a bit of sophistication . Having someone who isnt supposed to question this stuff sits oddly with me.

Ladies - am i right to be annoyed at this?

As another suspiciously male-looking respondee, I can only echo Alien's reply. Make sure there's no history of similar issues with partners, and make sure she knows you're both physically and emotionally attracted to her.

Oh, and do exactly what she wants for a couple of days, that tends to help most situations.

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I can offer absolutely no constructive advice that will help you continue your relationship with her not questioning your sexuality, other than stop pointing out whether a guy is attractive or not, and stare at her boobs, a lot.

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Again, not a woman, but don't do that end bit too much. Especially if she's talking.

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"I aim to misbehave"

So Kamui has a contract for Ferrari in WEC? Kinda makes this bit a tad pointless..

Yep I can only agree that sexuality is a sliding scale. I consider myself to be pretty much all the way up at the hetro end of things but even I saw a male celebrity on tv in a pair of beach shorts a while ago that made me think 'Not completely out of the question."

Buy a job lot of Nuts magazine (assuming you're UK based, if not, some lad's mag). Thats about as much advice as I can offer.

I can understand the annoyance though, I'd be annoyed if my girlfriend thought I could be gay. I'm a pretty flamboyant and less than masculine man, but I'd hope she wouldn't question my sexuality. I'd wonder if it was her own insecurity rather than my actions/lifestyle though.

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"You are the universe expressing itself as a Human for a little while..."

I've had the exact same thing happen a few times. I'm not even particularly "flamboyant" and don't have the stereotypical gay mannerisms. I do love musicals and ballet though. Sad state that to be considered "not gay" by some, you basically have to have no cultural variety. Sports are okay, but any other interests makes you gay!

I say kiss her a bit, then let her feel your junk. If that isn't proof enough...

My ex-girlfriend used to get these weird suspicions that I was gay. No idea where on earth it was coming from.

I think it's an insecurity thing. They might get the impression that something is wrong or a bit off in the relationship... "oh, maybe he's gay".

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"I am a believer, but I start each Grand Prix with 195 liters of fuel behind me," he explains. "I don't rely entirely on God, I rely on Prost."

Well, so far it looks like I am the only female to answer this one. Firstly, you don't mention how old you both are &, secondly, how long you two have been going out. As an older person, looking back on my life, age & length of a relationship can make a difference on how you look at things.

Having said that, I can understand why you are so upset with what she has said. It also makes me think that she may have insecurities, maybe from past relationships, that you don't know about because people don't usually come out with something like that for no reason, especially as you say that there is no problem between you physically. Maybe you need to have an honest conversation with her & tell her how you feel about her comments. The worst thing that could happen is that you break up &, to be honest, maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. After all, it's your partner that you should be able to feel the most comfortable with. After 25 years together, my husband & I not only love each other but we still like each other & have the most interesting &, at times, heated discussions especially as there are certain things that we have never & will never agree on. It makes life interesting.

Having a creative or fun side doesn't make a guy gay the same as loving all forms of motor racing doesn't make me a lesbian, if you get what I mean. We are all complex creatures & no two of us are alike, thank God, other wise life would be really boring

Call her a lesbian, see what happens.

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minus Vettel

Probably won't help in an argument, but Eddie Izzard is a pretty flamboyant bloke and straight.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

...Also known as "suicide"

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I'm female and I'd echo alienturnedhuman's comments, which I think are spot on.

Society is not very evolved when it comes to sexuality and labels exist to simplify things, even though nothing is more individual that a person's sexuality. Stereotypes abound not just with gay, straight, bisexual but in terms of particular acts related to sex. If a woman likes experimentation she must be a slut; anal sex is about power and domination for a man and a man is gay if he likes it himself; and on and on and on.

You sound very evolved and secure as a person and I can completely understand your annoyance at people who aren't and particularly your girlfriend when you have given her no reason to be suspicious that there's any issue. In my experience there's a higher chance that a male who is uncomfortable with his sexuality and goes out of his way to be macho and express his homophobia has a problem with his sexuality (not necessarily in terms of being gay, but just a discomfort with himself).

I think DrG made some good points as well about age and insecurity due to past relationships perhaps playing a factor.

I think you do need to express your annoyance to her because it will help get to the bottom of why she feels that way and whether you two are compatible in terms of your perspectives on these sorts of things. You might decide that she's not on the right wavelength for you.

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Formerly kai_

I've had a similar thing with one of my exes. I think some girls seem to mistake a man being comfortable with their sexuality as being not entirely straight. If their father was 'one of the lads', and their exes were that sort of guy as well, I think it can be a struggle for some to accept that a guy can be straight without acting like an ape half the time.

At the end of the day, if she's voicing these doubts, it means they've probably been in her head for a while...and ultimately they're unlikely to ever fully go away. Sounds like she's not accepting you for who you are, she's projecting her image of what she wants 'a boyfriend' to be...and when you don't fully live up to that she gets pissed off.

Doesn't sound like a situation that's going to be resolved, unfortunately.

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Two things: if you're upset that your girlfriend is questioning your sexuality, maybe you aren't as confident in it as you think you are. There's nothing wrong with that. Second, maybe you should seek a partner who is comfortable with someone who doesn't score 10 out of 10 on the hetero scale. I know girls who can only be with the uber-male, I know some who are a little put off by slightly sliding behavior but love the guy so much they just accept it as part of him, I know girls who just plain don't care one way or the other, and I even know some who are ONLY comfortable with "less manly" men.


- Says a girl who has had a long term relationship with a guy FAR from that 10/10

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Seems that there's nothing wrong with you except listening to cheesy pop. Listen to serious music. A full day of listening to Wagner, Carl Orff, or Stravinsky will make you 42 percent more manly.

As for your girlfriend, if she has doubts over your sexuality, is her problem, not yours. You're free to do whatever you want.