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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:00 pm 
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This occured to me when reading people's opinions about Lance Armstrong's interview & even threads in the racing section where people profess to know exactly what happened, is happening to certain drivers, teams, how they think etc.

It's something that has always fascinated me especially as I have been totally deceived in my own life by people I knew all my life.

In my case, when I was a teenager I totally rebelled against my parents who were hugely religious & ended up doing something really stupid, with the encouragement of what I thought was one of my closest friends. I don't need to go into details except to say that she was the only one that knew all the details & ended telling everyone a story that almost made me a total leper in what was a very small country town. Luckily for me I did have some very good friends that said they didn't even want to know if it was true, but as a 14 year old I had to learn a very hard lesson about how gossip can make you a pariah.

Before I found out the truth of who said what, which I did as an adult, the same close female friend, when we were adults, had a business with her husband where they owned a coal mining rig which he operated in another state & only came home for one week after three weeks away. I happened to be home in the country for one of the weeks he was home &, when I visited them, he was totally out of sorts, which wasn't like him. When I asked my girlfriend about it she hinted that he was used to being on his own in the mining field & couldn't adjust to being home. I had known her husband for a long time & it didn't seem like him to me but, who knows anyones relationship, so I just accepted her explanation. A few years later she admitted to me that the reason he was so tiddled off that week is because he had found out she was having an affair!!! I was so tiddled off with her that she had allowed me to think the worse of her husband for so many years when he didn't deserve it.

This same girlfriend died of cancer a couple of years ago at just a few months past her 50th birthday. My husband & I attended her 50th party as a surprise for her at her eldest daughters request. We also travelled home to the country for her funeral 2 months later which my very oldest friend queried knowing how much my dead friend had either dropped me in the fairy cakes or lied to me. I tried to explain to her that I had never confronted my friend about any of this & because of that I owed her that respect, & I especially owed her 4 children who all call me Aunty & know nothing about any of this & will never know.

This person was someone I grew up with, someone I knew all my life, someone I thought I could trust totally. How wrong was I. It made me realise that you can know someone all your life but not really know them. Have other people found the same?


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:50 pm 
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Everyone keeps secrets.

I'm a very, very personally guarding person. I've had some bad experiences where things you've told someone have gotten out and it has made your life miserable, and so now I pretty much keep any personal information to myself for fear of it being used against me. Seriously, I don't tell me friends pretty much anything that is important to me. People on the internet know my "darker side" as such a bit more because of the anonimity of the internet. I didn't tell my friends when I got a job, I didn't tell them when I got together with my ex-girlfriend. I didn't tell them when I broke up with her. I didn't tell them when I wanted to quit my job. I didn't tell them when I had to get emergency surgery and spent the next week or so in hospital and the rest of that month on painkillers. I didn't tell them about a lot of the slightly shady things I've done (a few have come out). I don't like people knowing my business. I don't see what it has to do with them. I'd say that for everyone I consider a friend, I know them a lot better than they know me.
I don't particularly like people - I'm uncomfortable in large groups. I sure as chocolate fudge cake don't want them all nosing about in my personal affairs. Been there, done that, taken that particular set of beatings. I don't see why people in general are so interested in other people's lives. Most of them probably have a pretty similar life to yours. Maybe more women, more men, more money, more drugs but in the end it's all the same. We live, we die, now get on with your own fairy cakes.

In the case of your friend, I think she was in the wrong to lie, but I can totally see why she did it. I'd probably do the same in that position. I'd happily lie and cheat if I thought I could get away with it, and that is a sad but honest fact.

(As per, I've kinda gone off on a tangent not really related to the topic - I really do lack focus).


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:45 pm 
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Enough to know that we don't really know anyone at all. Doesn't mean we have to stop having opinions on them though.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:26 pm 
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I don't think anyone knows everything about even their closest companions. I also don't think it's necessary in most cases. As long as you know someone well enough to find out if they are a git or not, most of the details are not vital to the relationship. I also think everyone will sell you out, just that the price varies.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:41 pm 
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People you think have your back will drop you in it like a ton of fairy cakes to save their own bacon.

I sort of Prescribe to the Gregory House way of thinking.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:52 pm 
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Haha we are cynical lot aren't we? Everyone's said the same thing so far.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 1:29 am 
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huggybear wrote:
Haha we are cynical lot aren't we? Everyone's said the same thing so far.

Nah, there are exceptions, they are just very very few and far between. I'm 40 and have only ever met 2 people that I'd trust up to 99%. The 1% is because I'm 99% sure that if you're 100% sure of anything in life then you're a twit.

I don't think I'd ever really like to know everything about the people I care about. It's like hardcore porn. Sometimes too much info can ruin a great thing.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:49 am 
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I have a great example of how you can never tell with people.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-21066615

I worked with this guy for two years. spoke to him in the break room on a regular basis. Went out for drinks occasionally with him on a Friday after payday. Never once got a hint that he was a pedophile. Likable enough guy didn't make a fuss about anything at work listened when I was doing training sessions etc. Couple of years after he moved on from our company I lost touch with him and then a few days ago his face is plastered over the national news for having possession of some seriously disgusting images.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 9:52 am 
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Don't we realize that WE are people as well? Do we even know ourselves before questioning how well-bad we know others?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:22 am 
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chican wrote:
Don't we realize that WE are people as well? Do we even know ourselves before questioning how well-bad we know others?

Good point. I know that there are very few people I would drop everything for to help out regardless of their situation, 6 I think and that includes my wife and daughter but not my parents or brother! Most other people, although I'd like to help them, I'd put myself first :blush:

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:44 am 
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chican wrote:
Don't we realize that WE are people as well? Do we even know ourselves before questioning how well-bad we know others?


The parts we don't know about other people are the things they hide. We know what we hide from others, although of course some humans can be in denial on certain things.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 2:10 pm 
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Well, considering I started this thread, tonight I also got my answer. My husband & I have been married for 25 years & have known each other for longer than that &, tonight, I found out that my husband loves scallops. I never knew that before now. My husband generally hates seafood, which I absolutely love, & in all these years we obviously have never talked about scallops cause I was gobsmacked to find out he loves them. I know, it's not quite the same as finding out your husband is a serial killer but even so :D


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:57 pm 
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mac_d wrote:
(As per, I've kinda gone off on a tangent not really related to the topic - I really do lack focus).

So do I. Focus is the one thing I really squirrel.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:18 am 
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Tufty wrote:
mac_d wrote:
(As per, I've kinda gone off on a tangent not really related to the topic - I really do lack focus).

So do I. Focus is the one thing I really squirrel.


I'm sorry but what does this have to do with football?


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:09 pm 
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[Now I'm thinking of that match where a squirrel found its way onto the pitch...]

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:34 pm 
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Unicorns...

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