dave_the_fish wrote:
What do you call a blond with more than one brain cell ?
Pregnant.
PS sorry to all blonds
Blame it on dave_the_fish, he made me break out the blond jokes.
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small Texas town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting; 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. It's because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little fairy cakes head on your knee!"...
And another:
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, " THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, " THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more, " THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
And finally, seven degrees of blond:
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!', and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ..'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do They do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Gotta love them blond jokes!