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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:15 am 
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It's a fact that this forum is filled with stupid opinions and thoughts. For a smart person like me who can do a lot of math it's hard to keep coming back here. My mind needs nutrition and I'm not getting it from here. It's like every person has to have an opinion on everything no matter how deluded or stupid it is. Followed the sport for two years and now have the urge to express your knowledge on how drivers design cars, why your favourite driver is better than the others or just want to talk about a random conspiracy you know is happening? Do that on some other forum. It's not needed here.

Anyway, I have heard enough of unintelligent stuff about each driver. It's time to do something about that, so today I decided to make a list of all the drivers and their strengths and weaknesses so we don't need to discuss about them anymore and clueless people can stay silent. Here it is, the official list :

Alonso : Beaten by Hamilton and rivaled by Trulli. Only demands bad teammates from now on because is scared. Blackmails his own teams and has no morals. Cannot even win a title with a Ferrari. Paydriver á la Santander.
Hamilton : Where to begin with... Oh yeah, of course: that self righteous arrogant smile with super white teeth (probably whitened), cannot handle pressure at all as seen time and time again, lucked into championship and thinks he's a big deal. Beaten by Button last year. Dangerous because can't race with other cars. Thinks he's a black reincarnation of Senna.
Kimi : Alcoholic person who can't even speak. Beaten by Massa two years straight, also by Heidfeld and Coulthard once. Most overrated and luckiest champion on the grid. Secretly hates Jews.
Button : Mediocre driver at best, uses politics because lacks in skill. Beaten by many drivers including Barrichello and only won a championship due to dominant car. Has got cocky lately thinking he's somewhat good. Likes to show off his trophy girlfriend.
Schumacher : Can be summarized by two words: cheating and bending the rules. Dirtiest driver in the history of the sport. Crashed a driver to win a championship? Check. Used illegal software? Check. Tried to destroy main rival's lap in qualifying? Check. Has a huge chin? Check. Just drives around because he can, fully knowing that way someone more deserving doesn't get a shot because of him.
Vettel : Lucked into the best car three years straight, completely average. Real colours shown in Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2012. Two championships don't count because they were done with blown diffusers which makes any idiot able to drive an F1 car fast. Struggles this year because cannot drive anything than the said playstation car. Just plain smug and arrogant.
Massa : Lol
Di Resta : Couldn't even beat Sutil last year, deserves none of the British hype he gets and is Scottish.
Hülkenberg : Beaten by Barrichello. Got a new chance in F1, one that he didn't deserve.
Grosjean : Same story, rich kid who only plays with daddy's money. No idea what he's doing in F1. Has that special smile on all the time and by special I mean it in a mentally challenged kind of way.
Kobayashi : Guy sucked in GP2 but made it in F1 just by being Japanese. Couldn't even beat his rookie teammate last year.
Perez : Paydriver. Has no place in F1 but unfortunately his money has. Should be cleaning pools, you know, because he's Mexican.
Ricciardo : Overhyped, never showed anything, yet he has a seat. Probably blew Helmut Marko or something.
Maldonado : Once made an IQ test but we never got to see the results because he crashed the paper before he was finished. Money buys an F1 seat unfortunately.
Senna : Rides on his uncle's name which isn't even his real surname. Once killed a dog.
Vergne : Only in F1 because there's a shortage of French drivers. Useless.
Webber : Proven he sucks. Last three years has driven a car that was 2 seconds faster than the opposition and still couldn't deliver. One of those drivers who never got a chance but then got one, then a second, then a third, then a fourth. Retire already!
Rosberg : Only in the grid because his daddy was a champion. Will never win a race despite given chance after chance.
Kovalainen : Humiliated by Hamilton. Only beat Trulli once because of his power steering problems and now thinks he doesn't suck. He is wrong.
Petrov : This Russian gentleman has a mafia backing. They say in Soviet Russia the car rides you and many times it seems like the case with this guy.
Glock : Despite having a cool name of a gun, he is definitely not a bullet on a racetrack. The only one of the experienced drivers who doesn't refuse to drive for Marussia, probably because his self-esteem is so low.
Pic : Who is this guy?
De La Rosa : One of those guys who just don't know when to stop. Pedro, after sucking 9 seasons the 10th won't suddenly change everything!
Karthikeyan : Indian + money + abnormally small head = this guy.

There you go, the ultimate truth. If you disagree you are wrong, simple as that. I have followed F1 since forever so don't question my credentials. I'd love to have your opinions but then I would be lying because I don't give a **** about what you think. I'm gonna hit a gym now.


Last edited by Bosse on Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:32 am 
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I think the mods need to sticky this thread


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:33 am 
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Wait, you said you were hitting the gym but you're still online? WHY MUST YOU LIE?


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:51 am 
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moleman wrote:
Wait, you said you were hitting the gym but you're still online? WHY MUST YOU LIE?

I was expecting to hear something like this today...

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:13 am 
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Quote:
Alonso : Beaten by Hamilton in the only season that mattered in his entire career and rivaled by Trulli.


Cool. Great stuff. Suggest you add the above in bold.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:52 am 
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That time of the month...??? x(
I kid...

However, what got to you so bad, for you to make this epic reaction?

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:53 am 
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A smart person....like you.....Image... You gave it away by not mentioning your one true love among your hate list...:) Image

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:01 am 
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If you so smart you should know when to shut up.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:28 am 
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You nailed the Schumacher part. The Kimi, not so much. When he drove for McLaren he was spectacular while the car was an unreliable sh!t.

Anyway, if all the drivers suck, why do you watch F1 then?


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:30 am 
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The part about Vettel is true. :lol:

And Kobayashi is overrated.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:22 am 
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Shockingly, I think this may go over some heads.

Good stuff, though; no need to read the rest of the forum now, since this about sums up what every thread descends into. :-((


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:17 am 
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

Would love to hear your opinion on team principles.

*sits and waits for the forum members that have no sense of humour*


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:34 am 
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Crikey! The Big question that your thoroughly in depth and accurate analysis raises is:

Who the hell's gonna drive the cars next race?
(brilliant by the way)

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:36 am 
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I've seen better April fool's day posts! :D (Including this one!)

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:39 am 
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Best post for an age :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:50 am 
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Bosse wrote:
Kobayashi : Guy sucked in GP2 but made it in F1 just by being Japanese. Couldn't even beat his rookie teammate last year.


Last year's standings:
12.Kamui Kobayashi 30 Points
16.Sergio Perez 14 Points

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:20 am 
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Excellent! ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:52 am 
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Thanks for the laugh, well done!! :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:59 am 
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Bosse, you are an absolute legend! :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:07 am 
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Quote:
Massa : Lol



:lol: :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:33 am 
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I agree. They're all complete rubbish. I could do a better job than any of them; after all I won a go-kart race once and was an absolute master of F1 97 on the PS1.


On a serious note, that is one of the best rants I have ever seen in my life. :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:38 am 
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Jack Brabham was such an awful driver that no team would hire him, so he had to build his own car.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:47 am 
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moleman wrote:
Jack Brabham was such an awful driver that no team would hire him, so he had to build his own car.


:lol:

Ayrton Senna was rubbish as well. Remember when he binned it while leading at Monaco? What a clown


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:27 am 
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The Massa one is an absolute classic !!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:28 am 
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I must admit, this if one of the funniest things I've read in a while, helped largely by the fact its mostly true :lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:34 am 
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Brilliant !!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:34 am 
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

Excellent. Gave me a proper laugh!
:o

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:39 am 
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sounds about right!

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:14 am 
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Bernie Eccelstone is a lovely selfless man who only cares about the good of the sport

Max Mosley was a modest man of high morals

Flavio Briatore has a totally bangin bod!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:43 am 
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Cheeky little lovely individual :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:57 am 
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Sounds like a Planet F1 Article :lol:

Shame to see all the people that don't get the joke...

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:55 pm 
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i sense you struggle to express your opinion :lol:

wrong about schumi though...... so wrong

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:58 pm 
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Bosse wrote:
Webber : Proven he sucks. Last three years has driven a car that was 2 seconds faster than the opposition and still couldn't deliver.


Actually i think this one is closest to reality from all other driver perks :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:00 pm 
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Shows exactly how things can be slighty exaggerated or twisted to suit an agenda. For example the opposite for Massa one could say he won races against Schumacher, won the world championship and was subsequently cheated when Ron paid off Toyota mid-race, was the best driver in F1 before his accident, ended Kimi's career (part I) and was marginalised by Santander, Alonso and Ferrari.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:40 pm 
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Nothing will beat Massa's perk...

"Lol"

:lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:09 pm 
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Hahaha Bosse i'm not sure I've ever seen such a balanced post on this forum, how do you manage to hold no bias whatsoever? :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:43 pm 
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ToughGuy wrote:
i sense you struggle to express your opinion :lol:

wrong about schumi though...... so wrong
:thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:

Yeah right. There is no bigger cheater than Schumacher in the history of F1. Even other world champions have stated the same (watch the interviews of world champs in Sky F1). Cheated his way to the WDC then, and gets beaten by Rosberg every year now.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:57 pm 
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LIKE A BOSSE!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:59 pm 
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schnitt wrote:
ToughGuy wrote:
i sense you struggle to express your opinion :lol:

wrong about schumi though...... so wrong
:thumbdown: :thumbdown: :thumbdown:

Yeah right. There is no bigger cheater than Schumacher in the history of F1. Even other world champions have stated the same (watch the interviews of world champs in Sky F1). Cheated his way to the WDC then, and gets beaten by Rosberg every year now.


91 victories and did they all come by way of cheating....well of course not.
7 WDC crowns and could have been more.......

sour grapes anyone, because I see a huge bunch of them when I read that.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:03 pm 
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Nabby32 wrote:
Shockingly, I think this may go over some heads.

Good stuff, though; no need to read the rest of the forum now, since this about sums up what every thread descends into. :-((



It already has.


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